There are some things that forgiveness does not do:
1. It may not stop the pain of the hurt right away.
2. It may not be “once and for all”.
3. It may need to be repeated over and over,
Now why is this so?
It is so because forgiveness has to do with our anger and it takes some time for us to sort out what we are angry about. And by the time we do, it is so stored within our memory bank that it is difficult to extract anger right away.
It may be repeated over and over because every time we remember the act we regenerate the anger and thus the process must be repeated; God gives Himself amnesia (Hebrews 10:17) "Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more." But we have trouble in that area.
If we can totally forget the offending act, we will find ourselves in the same position. Suppose someone were to attack you when alone in their presence. It could result in the same action, so by remembering we can avoid the repeating of such act.
When Jacob and Esau met on Jacob’s journey towards Isaac, he finds forgiveness from Esau but they do not suddenly become loving twins. It does not erase the offence that Esau felt. In Genesis 33:18 & 19 Jacob bids farewell to his brother with a promise to meet again at home then crosses the river and buys property. He knows that when Esau remembers the hurt, his life would be in jeopardy.
Another thought that I cannot emphasize enough is that forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the forgiven. We may think that we are letting him/her off of the hook when we are really laying down the pole, so that we can be free to move on. To not forgive means that you must keep all of the negative feelings that you have.
In time, that will become a heavier burden than you can handle.
While forgiveness will not restore the original relation it can be the foundation of a new relationship. It can make you a more giving and forgiving person.
Bitter people are unhappy people. Grateful people are happy people. That does no mean that they are never sad but being aware of the good times can lead to happiness.
Forgiveness helps create a healthy person. Most happy people experience less common sicknesses. Keeping anger is draining and creates pain and illness. It takes a lot of energy to stay angry. From morning to night you must keep guard lest you forget one reason for being angry.
Now here is a good question.
Why do angry people hit objects that hurt them like walls and trees? You may say that it is because they do not want to hit the offending person. But why hurt themselves. May I suggest that as a small child they heard their father say, “Stop crying or I will give you something to cry for?”
What is he teaching his child? That only physical pain is worthy of tears and that emotional pain is not real. It is the pain of personal hurt that we are dealing with. The pain is real. It is not helped by expressing anger but will be helped by forgiveness.
Constantly expressing anger does not relieve it. What it truly does is make it harder to control. So, forgiveness not only frees us from the past but it helps us handle future hurts.
May God grant us the ability to forgive and to be forgiving. (Pastor George VanSandt)
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT: “God doesn’t want a PLACE in your life. He demands and deserves PREEMINENCE. God’s throne is not a duplex!” – Dr. Adrian Rogers
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