They came into my office somewhat disheveled. It was obvious that they had not slept for sometime. He sat with his head in his hands while she sat with a Bible in her lap. Both were in great pain.
She had just heard of his infidelity. He had confessed. She opened the session with the burning question of the moment, “How can I say that what he has done is OK?” “You can’t,” was my calm response. “But I have to,” was her anguished retort “Who told you that?” I asked knowing full well it wasn’t her pastor. “My pastor told me that I have to forgive him.” They had been married for almost 40 years. She wanted desperately to save the family that God had created through them. “Can you tell me the circumstances surrounding the adultery?” I put this question to the man. After some time, I began to realize that he was full of remorse. The only thing that could heal this damaged relationship was forgiveness. “But how can I say that what he did was OK?!” Her face and tone of voice showed that the hurt and anger was truly great. “I never said that you had to make it OK. It can never be OK. Do you think that forgiveness is the same as OK?” I continued. I have often found that even mature Christians rooted and grounded in Scripture struggle with their inability to forgive. I try to remind them that an easy forgiveness is the seed of future failure. The offending party is often tempted to think that there was no harm done and will be tempted to repeat the action. This is not to be taken as a license to hold on to anger. Hurt becomes anger when held in the heart. The next question is the pivotal point. “What did Jesus say on the cross?” was the question that I put to her. "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." (Luke 23:34) “Are you sure that he used the word forgive? Why did he not inform the Father that what they were doing was OK? ” “It is because,” I continued, “ignorance is no excuse for wrong actions. Just ask any policeperson; OK and forgiveness is not the same thing.” “I understand what you are saying--that I must forgive--but I can’t.” “That is true. Open your Bible to Philippians 4:13 “I can do everything through him who gives me strength” “I have tried that but Christ has not helped me to forgive. It hurts too much!” “True, so stop saying I can’t and tell God and yourself the truth, God will not do it for you or even with you. Many Christians like to use the word CAN’T for WONT. If the hurt is so fresh and great, it is OK to want justice and not mercy” “Then since I need justice, it is alright for me to be angry” "No, What I am saying is that it is a normal reaction. You must engage your will before God can strengthen it. Can’t says that my will has nothing to do with it. What is Christ going to strengthen?” “What does admitting that I do not want to forgive do for me?” “First understand that most Christians stop trying to forgive and just try to make it OK. They say look what they did to Jesus so I must say that what was done to me is OK. NO! What they did to Jesus was wrong too!” “I think I am beginning to understand” “Here is the secret, IF SOMETHING CAN BE MADE OK IT NEVER NEEDS TO BE FORGIVEN. IF IT CAN NOT BE MADE OK IT NEEDS TO BE FORGIVEN. So, unlock the prison door and with God’s help set yourself free. “When can I be free of this pain?” she asked. “When you are able to stop saying I can’t forgive and recognize that you won’t forgive. Then, when you want to be rid of the pain, you go to Christ and tell him that your heart’s desire is to forgive and Christ will enable you to forgive. Don’t make it OK just Forgive!”
Please use this information to help you forgive each other whether the offender is male or female, friend or family, neighbor or coworker. Just enjoy the freedom that forgiveness brings. (Pastor George Van Sandt)
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT: “To KNOW Him is to love Him. To LOVE Him is to trust Him. To TRUST Him is to obey Him. And to OBEY Him is to be blessed by Him.” – Dr. Adrian Rogers
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