Reconciliation Part 4

FORGIVENESS IS ONE THING - RECONCILIATION IS ANOTHER - Part #4

Here is the last part of this great article written by my friend, Pastor Steve Cornell, senior pastor of Millersville Bible Church.

For those who are hesitant to reconcile: Ten Guidelines to consider (Here are the first five ...)

It is common for those who have been seriously hurt to feel hesitant about reconciling with their offenders. When your offender is genuinely repentant, however, it is important to open yourself to the possibility of restoration. Remember, Jesus spoke about reconciliation with a sense of urgency (see Matthew 5:23-24). If you are hesitant to reconcile, work through the ten guidelines on the next pages.

1. Be honest about your motives -Make sure that your desire is to do
what pleases God and not to get revenge. Settle the matter of forgiveness (as Joseph did) in the context of your relationship with God. Guidelines for reconciliation should not be retaliatory.

2. Be humble in your attitude -Do not let pride ruin everything.
Renounce all vengeful attitudes toward your offender. We are not, for example, to demand that a person earn our forgiveness. The issue is not earning forgiveness, but working toward true reconciliation. This demands humility. Those who focus on retaliation and revenge have allowed self-serving pride to control them.

3. Be prayerful about the situation -Jesus taught his disciples to
pray for those who mistreat them (Luke 6:28). It is amazing how our attitude toward another person can change when we pray for him. Pray also for strength to follow through with reconciliation (see: Hebrews 4:16).

4. Be willing to admit ways you might have contributed to the
problem -"Even if you did not start the dispute, your lack of understanding, careless words, impatience, or failure to respond in a loving manner may have aggravated the situation. When this happens, it is easy to behave as though the other person's sins more than cancel yours, which leaves you with a self- righteous attitude that can retard forgiveness (i.e. relational forgiveness). The best way to overcome this tendency is to prayerfully examine your role in the conflict and then write down everything you have done or failed to do that may have been a factor." (Ken Sande, The PeaceMaker, p. 168). Such a step, however, is not suggested to promote the idea of equal blame for all situations. (See: Matthew 7:1-6) (Italicized words added).

5. Be honest with the offender -If you need time to absorb the
reality of what was said or done, express this honestly to the one who hurt you. Yet we must not use time as a means of manipulation and punishment.

I will try and have the article posted on the website later this morning. It will be available for you to print out in its entirety. Please also note that I gave the wrong date for the Twila concert - at least I know you are reading FF! The date is Thursday, August 9th!

Great Quote: "Sinners are not saved until they trust the Savior, and saints are not delivered until they trust the Deliverer. God has made both possible through the Cross of His Son." Dr. Lewis Sperry Chafer