This Is Not For Dummies (Part 2)

Handling Your Own Anger
Steps for Change

1. The concept that “anger is stored” is not true. There is no place in the body, that we have discovered where anger is stored. Memories are stored. Memories cause feelings and feelings cause anger. It happens so fast that we feel that it is anger that is stored. Believe it or not, we can choose what to remember and how to feel about it. This takes time and practice. Don’t give up. Give it a chance. No one can put you down without your permission. Practice forgiveness--it works. When something can not be made OK then it needs to be forgiven. If it is OK it needs no forgiveness.(We will discuss this thought later).

2. Feelings are not you and you are not your feelings. Do not define yourself by your feelings. Feelings are just feeling. That does not mean that they have no power. It is what drives the champion and the suicide. Choose which way you want your feelings to work for you.

3. Feelings can only last as long as you think about events that cause the feelings. The very moment that you stop remembering the feelings leave. So the next thing is to think those thoughts that give force to the things you want to be or do.

4. Do not deny what you feel but delay what you do. As soon as you feel anger, identify it and choose not to act on it at this time... You can be angry without acting on it. Your actions will reinforce the feelings. Most feelings follow actions rather than cause actions but it is a circle that can become cyclonic.
A. Delay can help you choose the proper response.
B. Delay can help you cool down
C. Delay can save hours of “I’m Sorrys”

5. Stop comparing yourself with other people. The Com in compare is similar to the Com in competition. When you compare yourself with another you loose even when you win. It is a battle that should be left to “The Next American Idol”. You were born as a unique individual so that no one is just like you. No one is better than you or less than you. Just work on being the best you that you can be.

6. Stop listening to that voice in your head. These are words from our childhood that contain “allness” words such as always and never and everybody. Substitute mostly for always, often for never, and some people for everyone. By so doing you can accept the words that build and ignore those that tear down, no matter who says them.



7. Start keeping a journal. In so doing you will see how well you are doing on the road to success.
A. Keep it daily but not as a diary. It will only contain those things that affect your “anger.”
B. Write what you said or did with the “pain.”
C. Include the events that led up to your feeling of anger.
D. Did you delay your response? If not, why not?
E. How did you feel about how you handled your anger.
F. Write what you expect to do the next time the situation presents itself.

Additional Help with Your Own Anger -- Surprised by Anger
Sometimes we are unaware of anger and can not manage it because we do not recognize it. Here are some of the times that confuse our feeling.

1. When we are successful. We become concerned that we are now experiencing a feeling of loss. It is the loss of a goal when we have reached it. That loss becomes like any other loss. It triggers anger sometimes toward others yet often against us. This can be because of the time spent on the “journey to the top” or the cost to ourselves and others.
2. When we suffer loss of any kind.
A. Loosing a job. We will tend to blame any number of people and any situation. As we blame we tend to become angry at the lack of interest that others have in our lives. We may even become angry at ourselves for lack of foresight.
B. Loosing a friend. We can blame our friend for leaving us; we can blame the one that they seem to leave us for and, of course, ourselves for not doing something. The anger accompanies our sense of helplessness.
C. Loosing someone through death. We can experience different angers.
i. Anger at the person who left us by dieing.
ii. Anger at not being able to save someone from death.
iii. Anger at God for not answering our prayers.
iv. Anger at those who say, “We know what you are going through.”
v. Anger at those who say, “You will have another loved one soon.”
vi. Anger at those who say, “Time, Tears, and Talking about it will soon heal the hurt.

Today's Freedom Fighter is written by Dr. George Van Sandt

God's WORD for YOU: Proverbs 27; Judges 1-3, Luke 4:1-30

Great Quote: The more intimate our relationship with Christ, the more we will understand the will of God and the more power we will have to act on it. Anonymous