Controlling the Anger of Others
When other people use anger on you, the easiest way to react is to use your own anger. This will cause the other person to use his/her anger on you and so forth. Here are the rules that Dr. Izzy Kalman uses in his material on “Turning Bullies into Buddies”:
1. Refuse to give others the power to get you mad.
2. Treat everything people tell you as the words of your best friend (even if they sound angry and hateful).
3. Do not be afraid.
4. Do not defend yourself.
5. Do not attack.
6. If someone hurts you, just show that you are hurt: do not get angry.
Rule #1 is not a natural result of feeling another’s anger. When we become angry we feel like we are victims but act like bullies. If you want your power back do not give that power to another. Choose not to be angry.
Rule #2 is what happens when we experience that anger of another. That is, we feel like they are no longer our friend but rather our enemy. Challenge that feeling by asking, “How can I keep this person as a friend?”
Rule #3 is what causes us to respond in anger. Anger creates more adrenalin which one need to cope with fear. Stifle fear to reduce adrenalin because your friend does not want to destroy you.
Rule #4 is also a natural response to the feeling of just having been attacked. But don’t let your response fire off another round of anger. Each use of anger invites further fighting.
Rule #5 is what we do to enemies and not to friends. To attack gives a feeling of power while defense appears the weaker position. But to choose to not attack is the more noble position.
Rule #6 is the way to win over anger. When we hurt people “want to kiss away the hurt”. When we get angry people respond in kind and thus the fighting continues. To admit hurt or pain may appear weaker but it enlists the offender in becoming a conciliator.
This, of course, will not work with people bent on being an enemy but it will work in most cases of misunderstanding and injury.
Thanks, Dr. Van, for sharing this week's teachings on anger.
God's WORD for YOU: Proverbs 29, Judges 7-8; Luke 5:1-16
Great Quote: Pride calls me to the window, gluttony to the table, wantonness to the bed, laziness to the chimney-corner; ambition commands me to go up stairs, and covetousness to come down. Vices, I see, are as well contrary to themselves as to virtue. Free me, Lord, from this distracted case; fetch me from being sin's servant to be Thine, whose "service is perfect freedom," for Thou art but one, and ever the same. Thomas Fuller
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