PRACTICAL TIPS ON LISTENING AND SPEAKING

By Philip Atterbery

1. Listen to what is being said rather than planning the next statements you intend to make.

2. Eliminate distractions such as loud noises, the telephone, the TV, or computer.

3. Repeat what has been said. This helps your wife know you have truly understood what she said and meant.

4. Ask questions if you need something clarified.

5. Stay on the issue being discussed rather than making it personal. I Corinthians 13:5 declares that love keeps no record of wrongs. That means a loving spouse does not bring up old arguments or issues to use in an attack. Statements such as, "There you go again!" or "You always . . ." only create hostility and defensiveness.

6. Remember that love always hopes for the best (I Corinthians 13:7). It assumes the best. Assume that your wife is concerned about what is best for you and herself.

7. Use "I" centered messages. Make statements such as "I feel discouraged," rather than "You make me so mad!" Center upon you own emotions and feelings, but remain on the real issue. The use of "you" during an argument may cause the listener to be defensive and feel
personally attacked.

8. Remember that love is patient (1 Corinthians 13:4). Wait for the most appropriate time to bring up an important issue. Introducing a big issue when your spouse first comes in the door from a long day at work or after a hectic day of running errands is simply not a good idea.

Practical Tips on Listening and Speaking

Romancing Your Wife ... A Little Effort Can Spice Up Your Marriage by
Debra White Smith and Daniel W. Smith published by Harvest House

Good words for your consideration on this 27th day of June, 2005.